Sex, death, plastic surgery, cussing, and mozzarella sticks: These were Gawker's most popular posts this year*, by number of unique visitors as judged by Google Analytics.


J-Law, Kate Upton Nudes Leak: Web Explodes Over Hacked Celeb Pics

Earlier this week, a post started on 4chan claimed a wealth of celebrity nudes—a large cache in possession of a hacker who'd gained access to several celebrities' alleged personal photos—would leak on Sunday. Well, Sunday's here, the supposed leak has begun, and the internet is reacting accordingly.


Robin Williams' Daughter Pens Heartbreaking Goodbye to Her Father

Robin Williams' daughter Zelda issued a heartbreaking goodbye to her father tonight in a long, poignant statement posted on her Tumblr account.


Here Are Some Pictures of Renée Zellweger

On Monday night, actress and Taurus Renée Zellweger attended the 2014 ELLE Women In Hollywood Awards in elegant Beverly Hills, California. Here are some pictures of Renée Zellweger.


Man Buys Every Pie at Local Burger King to Spite Shitty Little Brat

Kids are annoying no matter how you slice it, but if they are crying their heads off and yelling "I want fucking pie!" when you're in line at a Burger King, the only natural recourse is to then buy every single pie in sight so that the kid just has to fucking deal. One man, a Gawker hero, claims on Reddit to have done just that.


Fox Affiliate Accidentally Broadcasts Dick Pic, Has Perfect Reaction

[There was a video here]

Tuesday morning, the crew at Denver's Fox affiliate KDVR tried to show some photos from today's helicopter crash in Seattle. Instead, they accidentally aired a picture of a flaccid penis. [NSFW, obviously]


"Happy" Makes Pharrell Cry

[There was a video here]

This unfiltered emotional display only makes the most likable man in pop music more likable*. After watching a montage of fan-made videos to his No. 1 hit "Happy" during his interview on Oprah Prime, Pharrell wept (and wept). When the renaissance man finally pulled himself together, he explained, "It's overwhelming, because it's like I love what I do, and I just appreciate the fact that people have believed in me for so long that I could make it to this point to feel that." Wow, superstar humility: whoever would have thought it were possible in this day and age?


Man Trapped Overnight at Vegas Airport Shoots Ridiculous Music Video

Caught overnight at Las Vegas' McCarran Airport with practically no one else around, Richard Dunn could have taken a cab back to the strip and partied until his flight in the morning. Instead, he whipped out his iPhone and made this gloriously cheesy music video for Celine Dion's 1996 cover of "All By Myself."


A Letter From Ray Jasper, Who Is About to Be Executed

Texas death row inmate Ray Jasper is scheduled to be put to death on March 19. He has written us a letter that, he acknowledges, "could be my final statement on earth." It is well worth your time.


This Topless Photo of Keira Knightley Came With a No-Photoshop Clause

Actress Keira Knightley agreed to pose topless for an Interview magazine feature on one condition: She didn't want her body modified with Photoshop.


Teen Girl Ejected From Prom Because Horny Dads Can't Stop Staring

A 17-year-old girl says she was kicked out of her homeschool prom because some lecherous dads complained that she was arousing "impure thoughts."


ISIS Beheads American Journalist James Foley in Video Message to U.S.

ISIS militants released gruesome video footage this afternoon of the beheading of American photojournalist James Wright Foley as a message to the U.S. to stop intervening in Iraq. Foley, a freelancer who contributed to the Global Post, was first captured in Libya in 2012, released, and then kidnapped again around Thanksgiving 2012 by unidentified gunmen in Syria. He was 40 years old.


World's Greatest Two-Year-Old Drops F-Bomb After Ice Bucket Challenge

We have seen have seen more ice buckets dropped on heads than we care to remember. We have seen superheroes and wanted criminals, former presidents and wisdom teeth patients who are obviously faking it. Today, we see a marvelously sassy British(?) toddler hop up and yell "fookin' 'ell!" as soon as she's doused.


Kim Kardashian's Entire Body Is Naked in These Paper Mag Photos

Looks like Paper mag's big "break the internet" plan was simple: full-frontal Kim Kardashian. (Sadly her naked photos failed to break the internet on previous attempts, but maybe this time will be different.) Anyway, the very NSFW shots are certainly befitting of a Vogue cover model and Kanye is probably very proud.


Every Single Thing About This Jaden and Willow Smith Interview Is Nuts

The following is an interview in which Jaden Smith—son of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, brother of Willow—says that his goal in life is "to be the most craziest of all time." Everything he says previous to that statement will convince you that no human has ever conceived of a more achievable aspiration.


Macaulay Culkin Has a T-shirt of Ryan Gosling Wearing a T-shirt of Him

Here's a photo of Macaulay Culkin wearing a T-shirt of a photo of Ryan Gosling wearing a T-shirt of Macaulay Culkin. If it were any more meta, Leo DiCaprio's dead wife would be trying to kill us right now.


Some Nude College Girls Filmed a Feminist Porno in Columbia's Library

[There was a video here]

What's the best way to challenge campus patriarchy and critique male fantasies of sorority initiations? By getting nekkid with the sisters and making out in the stacks, baby.


NPR Pulled a Brilliant April Fools' Prank On People Who Don't Read

"Why doesn't America read anymore?" NPR asked on Tuesday.


New Leaked Jennifer Lawrence and Kim Kardashian West Nudes Hit Reddit

Early Saturday morning, a new round of celebrity nudes was dumped on 4chan and Reddit,TMZ reports. The new round of leaked photos includes intimate selfies of Kim Kardashian West and Vanessa Hudgens, and new photos of soccer goalie Hope Solo, Jennifer Lawrence, and Kaley Cuoco, all three of whom appeared in the cache of celebrity nudes that was leaked and widely shared earlier this month.


Black People Are Cowards

In light of the recent decision by a professional basketball team, comprised of mostly black players, to respond to their boss basically saying "I hate niggers" by turning their shirts inside out the next day at work, I have come to the decision that I agree wholeheartedly with the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, and I too do not want black people invited to my events.


My 14-Hour Search for the End of TGI Friday's Endless Appetizers

What if I told you that mozzarella sticks never had to end? That for $10, you could eat for free (for $10) for the rest of your natural life? That there exists a spot in the space-time continuum in which it is always Friday? That there are free refills on all Slushes™ excluding Red Bull® branded items?


The Reality of Dating White Women When You're Black

Why do I date white women? Black women have told me it's because I'm a sellout. The white men who can get past the mental anguish of my black penis tarnishing "their" women think I'm making some latent admission that their race has the most attractive women. White women range from those so intrigued by black men that it veers into fetish to those so reluctant to date black men that it feels more racist than preference-driven. These are generalizations, of course, but they are attitudes that I've personally encountered. Skepticism towards black men/white women relationships is a longstanding and well-documented part of our cultural fabric in America.


Seth Rogen Explains Why Justin Bieber is a Piece of Shit

Seth Rogen, like many human beings with the ability to see and hear, is not a big fan of Justin Bieber. Yesterday on the Howard Stern Show, he explained why.


Abandoned Cruise Ship Full of Starving Rats Headed For Land

A ghost ship filled with cannibal rats is floating somewhere off the coast of Scotland, ready to crash ashore and unleash its disease-ridden cargo of starving rodents. And it's all because Canadian authorities let the Soviet-era nightmare liner loose in the North Atlantic, satisfied that it was no longer a threat to Canada.


How I Became Thousands of Nerds' Worst Enemy by Tweeting a Photo

I'm sitting in an office in Manhattan a few blocks from Central Park. It's a fairly typical workday, filled with emails, trips to the coffee pot, and refreshing my sites. I'm on all the good ones: Twitter, Facebook, you name it.


Two High School Teachers Arrested Over Threesome With Student

Two Louisiana high school teachers are in jail after the 16-year-old student they allegedly had a threesome with bragged about the encounter at school, local police say.


Tosh.0 Production Assistant Mistakenly Killed by L.A. Sheriff Deputy

Monday night, the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department mistakenly shot and killed a production assistant for Tosh.0 after mistaking the 30-year-old for a stabbing suspect.


James Franco Apparently Tried to Hook Up With a Teenager On Instagram

Actor/poet/aspiring MFA-Ph.D. James Franco might also be able to add "creepy older dude" to his C.V. after he—or someone very convincingly pretending to be him—tried to arrange a hotel hookup with a 17-year-old girl on Instagram.


"Fuck Her Right in the Pussy" Is the Worst Hoax of the Next 15 Minutes

A Cincinnati man, his face disguised by beard, sunglasses, and hoodie, has now wandered into at least two different local newscasts, grabbing the mic and screaming "fuck her right in the pussy."


Django Unchained Actress Accosted by LAPD After Kissing White Husband

Danièle Watts, an African-American actress who played Coco in Django Unchained and appears as Martin Lawrence's daughter on FX's Partners, says she was handcuffed and detained on Thursday by police in Los Angeles who suspected she was a prostitute.


Neil Patrick Harris Got Wasted in Mexico, Took Some Priceless Photos

Sextuple threat Neil Patrick Harris is currently sunning it up in Mexico with his family and holding a Margarita drinking contest with himself.


Topless Florida Woman Wrecks McDonalds, Pauses to Guzzle Ice Cream

A Florida woman wearing nothing but a thong rampaged through a St. Petersburg McDonald's Monday, banging her head on the counter and then attempting to take apart the kitchen with her bare hands. Eventually, she chilled out by eating soft-serve straight out of the machine.


A Bronx Man Tore His Own Head Off in Broad Daylight

In a particularly gruesome story out of the Bronx, a Hunts Point man apparently decapitated himself in broad daylight today.


Leo DiCaprio Reportedly Cheered as Orlando Bloom Tried to Punch Bieber

The details surrounding the Bieber-Legolas fight keep getting better. Today, an eyewitness reports that Leonardo DiCaprio, typically one to cheer his own success in life, whooped it up for Orlando Bloom when he tried to hit the Biebs.


Leaked: The Nightmare Email Drama Behind Sony's Steve Jobs Disaster

The permanently upcoming Steve Jobs biopic has been hotly anticipated since it was first reported nearly three years ago. We're still waiting. And according to newly leaked emails out of Sony Pictures, trying to get it off the ground was a total clusterfuck: name-calling, Angelina Jolie-trashing, lying, and begging.


Female Athletes Say Tinder Use at The Olympic Village Is "Next Level"

Jamie Anderson, the 23-year-old American snowboarder, tells US Weekly that she and her fellow female athletes spend their down time in Sochi on one app in particular:


Wikipedia's Greatest Sex Illustrator Is an Anonymous Legend: Seedfeeder

Take a look at the Wikipedia page for fisting. I'll wait.


Watch a Train Driver Kick a Selfie-Taking Man in the Head

For reasons that remain unclear, a 22-year-old named Jared Michael recently attempted to take a selfie in front of an oncoming train. Despite being a "safe distance" from the train, things didn't go exactly as Michael expected.


Watch Matt Damon and Friends Read Mean Tweets About Themselves

As the late night world said goodbye to Jay Leno Thursday night, Jimmy Kimmel ignored the fuss and did what Jimmy Kimmel does best: get celebrities, especially Matt Damon, to make fun of themselves.


Nude Beach Blow Job Jet Ski Fight Leads to Wife's Death

When your wife catches you blowing a dude on a boat off a Florida nude beach, the correct response is to immediately apologize, and, once the situation has cooled, have a frank, open conversation about sexuality. Not recommended: throwing her off of the back of your jet ski and leaving her for dead.


Robin Williams Found Dead From Apparent Suicide

Actor Robin Williams was found dead from an apparent suicide in his Tiburon, California home earlier today. He was 63.


Sex Tape Preview Shows Cameron Diaz's Boobs, Other Sex Stuff


The red band trailer for Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel's latest vehicle, a movie about profound love and the meaning of human relationships in an age of technology, was released yesterday. It's called Sex Tape. There are boobs.


Smiling Young White People Make App for Avoiding Black Neighborhoods

Is there any way to keep white people from using computers, before this whole planet is ruined? I ask because the two enterprising white entrepreneurs above just made yet another app for avoiding non-white areas of your town—and it's really taking off!


Rihanna, Amber Heard Nudes Are the Latest in Second Wave of Leaked Pics

A few hours after several new stolen celebrity nudes were posted to Reddit yesterday, new items from an apparently extensive collection of hacked celebrity photos started to pop up—including photos allegedly of Gabrielle Union, Kate Bosworth, Hayden Panetierre, and Lake Bell, and private videos said to feature Aubrey Plaza and Jennifer Lawrence.


Miley Cyrus Told a Drunk Jennifer Lawrence to "Get It Together"

America's Best Friend, Jennifer Lawrence, got drunk and puked at Madonna's Oscars after-party. But it wasn't entirely her fault, she explained to Seth Meyers last night.


Oklahoma Teacher Shows Up Drunk and Pantsless to Her First Day of Work

There are innumerable ways to screw up your first day of work, but some of them have a little more panache than others. A new teacher in Wagoner, Okla. was arrested on her first day after showing up at the school both drunk and without pants.


Is This a Dick in This Real Estate Listing, or What?

There is a five bedroom, four bathroom three-story condo at 5517 Oakwood Cove in Austin available for the price of $389,500. One of the bathrooms is pictured, and you can see that some changes need to be made. The wallpaper could be scrapped. The fixtures could be updated. Oh, and the dude with his dick hanging out could probably move out of the way.


My Vassar College Faculty ID Makes Everything OK

The fourth time a Poughkeepsie police officer told me that my Vassar College Faculty ID could make everything OK was three years ago. I was driving down Wilbur Avenue. When the white police officer, whose head was way too small for his neck, asked if my truck was stolen, I laughed, said no, and shamefully showed him my license and my ID, just like Lanre Akinsiku. The ID, which ensures that I can spend the rest of my life in a lush state park with fat fearless squirrels, surrounded by enlightened white folks who love talking about Jon Stewart, Obama, and civility, has been washed so many times it doesn't lie flat.


Meth Cook Busted Wearing Los Pollos Hermanos Shirt From Breaking Bad

Two free bits of advice: 1) Don't make meth. 2) If you do, for whatever dumb reason, decide to make meth, don't do it while wearing a t-shirt inspired by Breaking Bad.


The GOP Staffer Who Criticized Obama's Daughters Was Arrested as a Teen

Elizabeth Lauten, the GOP staffer who resigned Monday morning after calling President Obama's teenage daughters classless, was arrested when she was 17 for shoplifting, according to the Smoking Gun.


Little Girl Getting Kicked Out of KFC Was Reportedly a Huge Hoax

KFC donated $30,000 to the family of three-year-old Victoria Wilcher after they claimed an employee at a store in Jackson, Miss. asked them to leave because Victoria's scars—leftover from an attack by her grandfather's pit bulls—were scaring customers. But according to a new report in the Laurel Leader-Call, the whole thing was a hoax and never happened.



*Our most popular posts written this year, that is. Our most popular post this year, overall? "Here's the First Clip from Farrah Abraham's Sex Tape," which was published on May 6, 2013. Next week, we'll examine the data from that post to get a better picture of the late-night masturbators who made up a significant chunk of our on-paper audience over the past year.